Immobilized

This is the third day that I have been unable to get to my clients and I am getting frustrated.

We ended up with 17 inches of snow and a layer of ice 1 inch thick.

My son came yesterday and the day before to help me dig out of this mess. He also took me to one of my clients so that I wouldn’t have to try and “catch up” on Thursday…

All of his efforts proved useless this morning. Everything refroze and because the garage is lower than the rest of the driveway, I couldn’t get the rear wheel drive car out of the garage.

I put boards under the tire that was slipping and that is when I felt an old pain in my left shoulder. It is the shoulder that I hurt when I slipped and fell in late November…that was enough.

I resigned myself that I am stuck until the weather gives me leave and then I read that there is a possibility of more snow coming in next week.

I cannot afford to miss this much work. I cannot afford to get another car that is has better capability to go in the snow.

I am truly stuck and I hate that feeling. How much more frustrating it would feel to be stuck in a body that couldn’t go as you want it to do?

That is what I thought when the pain in my shoulder mounts and than I think how strong and resolved Dan was in his battle. He truly didn’t “feel” like getting up most days, but he did.

It was only in the final days that he didn’t push his poor body to get up out of bed and put on his clothes.

He pushed his resources to a degree that most have never done…and I stand amazed at his will power.

I am trying to find a way to get myself past all of this. I am trying not to feel so helpless and powerless at this realization that I am only half as strong of a person as I thought I was.

But, that is my reality. Half of me is missing. It is the “greater half” and I am trying to come to terms with being a shadow of what I once was.

“It is what it is”

That is what I used to say to Dan when he would rail against the cancer. How empty those words sound in my ears now that Nature’s Fury has visited.

Yes, these elements will pass and a renewal of life will come to what now is covered with a white blanket, but when Winter comes to the human body and to its soul, how does it keep from giving into the Insurmountable?

I don’t know. I just know it in action through Dan and I stand amazed. It must have been his spirit and the Holy Spirit in tandem that caused him to say,                             “Thank you, Lord for another beautiful morning”.

So this morning, in the midst of all my helplessness and frustration, I will choose to say, like Dan,

                               “Thank you, Lord, for another beautiful morning.”

…and mean it…