There were many times over the past 1 1/2 years that I thought of writing about something and lately, I realize that I miss my blog.
When I wrote the last post, I was tired and it seemed that all my heart could do was bleed. Words didn’t come to me. It was a constant moan that permeated my being.
Each day was the same. It was a fog of nothing new. It was the same old thing. Get up. Get dressed. Go to work. Come home. Numb out on TV….
As the next year unfolded and through the battles to get the right care for my sister with Down’s Syndrome and dementia, I began to come out of my self-pity and self-imposed isolation. I realized that my mental depression and fog of existence was self-imposed. My sister’s was totally without choice. I needed to grow up. I needed to grow out of this Valley of Death where I had grown so comfortable.
I realized that the part of me that I shared on this blog was the inner most part of my being. When I stopped posting to this place, I lost communication with that vital part of myself. My isolation was most definitely was self-pity. I needed to come to terms that my life was according to my choosing and not Dan’s dying.
I am choosing to live. Even though I walk through this new and different Vally of Death with my sister, I am seeing so much of me fears the evil of isolation. I need to stop being afraid.
Because I am not writing in real-time, it will take some efforts to organize my thoughts. Every detail doesn’t need telling. What needs sharing are the lessons learned from continued living. Lessons need to be carried forward. Those are the stepping-stones that lead out of this Valley.
For now, I am not changing the face of the blog or going through the efforts of having a second site. I am going to continue on with this journey. It is all the same really.
Hopefully, I will be faithful to myself to write on about living and not the process of dying. There is a new dawn. It has to start somewhere. It must start where I stopped. There is no other way out of this Valley but to walk it.