Walking in the Valley of the Shadow…a Dawning…

There were many times over the past 1 1/2 years that I thought of writing about something and lately, I realize that I miss my blog.

When I wrote the last post, I was tired and it seemed that all my heart could do was bleed. Words didn’t come to me. It was a constant moan that permeated my being.

Each day was the same. It was a fog of nothing new. It was the same old thing. Get up. Get dressed. Go to work. Come home. Numb out on TV….

As the next year unfolded and through the battles to get the right care for my sister with Down’s Syndrome and dementia, I began to come out of my self-pity and self-imposed isolation. I realized that my mental depression and fog of existence was self-imposed. My sister’s was totally without choice. I needed to grow up. I needed to grow out of this Valley of Death where I had grown so comfortable.

I realized that the part of me that I shared on this blog was the inner most part of my being. When I stopped posting to this place, I lost communication with that vital part of myself. My isolation was most definitely was self-pity. I needed to come to terms that my life was according to my choosing and not Dan’s dying.

I am choosing to live. Even though I walk through this new and different Vally of Death with my sister, I am seeing so much of me  fears the evil of isolation.  I need to stop being afraid.

Because I am not writing in real-time, it will take some efforts to organize my thoughts.  Every detail doesn’t need telling. What needs sharing are the lessons learned from continued living. Lessons need  to be carried forward. Those are the stepping-stones that lead out of this Valley.

For now, I am not changing the face of the blog or going through the efforts of having a second site. I am going to continue on with this journey. It is all the same really.

 Hopefully, I will be faithful to myself to write on about living and not the process of dying. There is a new dawn. It has to start somewhere. It must start where I stopped. There is no other way out of this Valley but to walk it.

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4 thoughts on “Walking in the Valley of the Shadow…a Dawning…

  1. Hi My friend! I saw the comment you left on my blog tonight as i was moderating comments. As the Lord lives I was thinking of you just about 2 days before you left the comment! I see that like myself you had been away from your blog for a time. We are both coming out of a fog of death – yours the literal death caused by cancer, mine the emotional death caused by divorce… which is its own kind of cancer!!! I totally agree with your sentiments about how being away from your blog affected you. I totally agree. It has been a few weeks since you posted! Get back on it sis. Let’s support each other’s blogs and leave comments like we used. It is time to get back to being in the place on the wall that God called us to. It is only through serving others that we can truly achieve wholeness and satisfaction. Our answers are in the solutions we provide for others. I look forward to speaking to you more. email me at my first and last name at gmail . com. That is my personal email. Love you so much.

    • My dear friend,
      I was do glad to see your comment. I am trying to secure better connectivity for internet service & so far, no joy.

      So sorry about your loss.. I know the pain of divorce as well. You are correct; it is a different kind of cancer.
      Don’t have an idea when I will be able to pick up my blog again. The access to internet is a challenge. I am thankful it was not such an ordeal when I needed my blogg the most.
      Yes. We will be in touch, my friend.
      Until then, may the Lord watch between us until we speak again.
      God bless you. May He bless us both and may we bless Him.

  2. Hello Shadowlands,
    It has been a long time since we last communicated. I ventured into the past tonight on mysteryoriley and found you again. I remember you well, and your precious Dan.
    I’m guessing you have many of the same experiences I do these several years later – the sights and sounds that bring the memories back to the here and now – and the tears that fall whether we want to go there or not. We go, that’s all.
    It appears that you’ve not posted since October of last year. I know this distance from the NEED to post, along the life path that brings us to the occasional posting from a WANT to share. Not everyone wants to know these losses, though they will surely appear for everyone, so we move along as time allows and memories serve.
    Thank you for keeping your site alive. It’s important for others who are searching in the night for answers to the unanswerable – loss.
    With love and warmth,
    Linda

  3. Im glad to hear to have read this. I know my Dad would have told you to “dry it up” as Ive heard him say many times…lol I do know he wouldnt want you to continue any longer that way. call me anytime. i miss you. Love you.

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