On Chimerical Mind’s post, he sited a post of a post. Again, I wish I knew the proper way to give credit to the orginal mind that produced this nugget, but I don’t. The title was “Why is God Hiding?”. I think the guys name was Les Newsom. He related a conversation with a skeptic that was attending his Bible Study. The skeptic bluntly stated that if God wanted faith, why did he play a “cat and mouse” game and hide Himself from us. Why didn’t God just come out and become so obvious that the question of faith or God’s reality was answered. Mr Newsom asked the skeptic the question, “Is God hiding or are you”.
The original idea of the blog was stating that God isn’t hiding, but we are the ones who hide ourselves from God and sometimes from ourselves. He also stated that we often overlook the foundation of faith which is coming to the realization that before faith, we must come to the understanding that we must have utter dependence on Someone or Something other than ourselves. I agree with all of what Mr. Newsom stated. However, the idea of God hiding opened up my heart to some of the hidden thoughts that hide in the shadows of my mind. One of which is the feeling that in the midst of waiting for this miracle of healing, it seems that God is hiding from my heart. And the proverbial question is “Why?” Why must these tumors grow and steal the faith in God’s healing? Why are the tumors not “disappearing” as we have been told by the “Word of Faith” that so many, even two of our doctors, say that is Dan’s destiny? Dan doesn’t verbalize this question as often as I see it in his eyes. Dan is asking why God is hiding Himself and this Miracle that we believe is coming?
The Psalmist poetically puts the words to the feeling of crying out to God with every fiber that is in within him and asks God why has He gone deaf to the prayers of His servant. And we echo that question. Maybe, not in words, because we would have so many well intentioned friends that would tell us that our faith must not be strong enough for God to perform His Word. That may be the case. I don’t know, nor do I understand. I have no trouble saying that I am without understanding. I do not have the faith of a giant or some days, not even faith the size of a mustard seed.
But I do have utter dependence. In every area of our life, financial, health, daily bread etc. we are not able to effect very much of a change. I know the helplessness of dependence. It isn’t a state of comfort especially if you have ever known independence in these areas and that was the case with us. We have gone from owning and operating three businesses, having enough money to do as we please, and doing as we pleased to not knowing if we will have enough food before the next disablity check rolls into our account. From a human standpoint, independence is preferrable, however it requires little faith. And, as usual, I find that “independence” is an illusion at best. We still need and depend on relationships with family and friend to bring satisfaction to our independence.
You would think that being utterly dependennt would cause faith to grow by leaps and bounds. It definately promotes faith to be dependent, but I find that, instead of faith, I am more grateful because of knowing I cannot effect things at will like I once did. I find a capacity for awe for the small things that I was once too busy to take notice. Every day that Dan wakes up and says, “Good Morning” that I find a miracle in having him with me one more day. Because I know how precious that day is, I don’t want to miss any part of it by sharing it with outside worries and problems. But, that isn’t reasonable because the day is full of outside pressures i.e. money, food, etc.
So, is God hiding? No. It is up to me to look and really see the miracles that are in each day. What about the tumors? We are utterly dependent on God to undertake and remove what the doctors say they are unable to remove. If utter dependence is the foundation of faith, then we are on a sound foundation and we will have faith that those tumors will become shadows of the past. To balance this blind faith that comes from utter dependence, I have matured past the need to believe in a “Santa Claus” kind of God. That child-like faith has grown into a abiding trust. I don’t believe that if you say “Three Hail Mary’s and do 100 hours of good works” that you will recieve that answers to your prayers. I do believe in a sovereign God that knows around any corner in my life. I will say “Yes, and Amen” because I serve this God and He doesn’t serve me.
God is not hiding. Yes, in my foolishness and in my fear, I do hide from Him. I may not know everything about Him, not can I say that I have the capacity in my finite being to know an infinate God. But, that is why I trust in God. I am limited and He isn’t.
This is the light in the midst of the Valley of the Shadow.